Sunday, March 19, 2006

I want some cheese to go with my WHINE!!!

I can't sleep!! Gah I hate this! I feel like I've been run over by a truck at work, but for some reason, I just can't sleep well when it's time to do so. I'm SO FREAKING TIRED I can barely keep my eyes open, but as soon as I lie down, I'm wide awake! Nothing seems to work, at least not on any consistant basis... But the fam likes to eat and likes to have a place to live, so I keep on. YAWN!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

times of testing

I know I'm going through a time of testing... my 8 year old daughter's cat died last week, my roof leaks, my church is having serious issues, there's an error on my credit report that I've been getting the run around in trying to fix, and, working nights, I don't get nearly enough sleep. I know there's something God wants to teach me, but what?

Until I figure it out, I keep listening to a song called "Blessed be Your Name" written by Matt Redman.

*Blessed Be Your Name *

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name

Monday, March 06, 2006

my son the comedian

So I was at Costco with my kids, getting bottled water among other things. There were stacks of various height of cases of water. As I was getting what I wanted, before I could stop him, my 6 year old climbed on top of one of the smaller stacks and stood up. Then he said...

...


"Look! I can walk on water!"

Goofy kid :)

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Some people...

I mentioned my job as a 911 operator. It is at times stressful, but frequently rewarding, and we do get comic relief occasionally...

Early this morning a man called and asked to speak to a crisis counselor, he was very drunk and thinking of committing suicide. He has been known to own several guns and knives, so of course when the crisis counselor wanted the police to respond, they did.
A few hours later, the man called back. I am not the one who took the call, so the synopsis of the conversation does not contain for sure direct quotes, but you can get the general idea.

Operator: 911, what is your emergency
Drunk man: Yeah, YOUR OFFICERS were just at my house and they poured my Jim Beam down the drain!! I want them to replace the bottle they stole from me!
O: I'm sorry sir, the police department is not going to replace your liquor.
DM: I want to talk to a sergeant! I want to talk to a supervisor!
O: (Tries to patiently explain that we will not send officers out to replace his booze. DM insists on speaking to a supervisor.

So, the operator gets the supervisor, who tells her to tell him we're not going to go buy him more booze, and she tells him that she DID tell him that, but he's insisting on speaking to a supervisor. The supervisor takes the call.
About 5 minutes later, same operator...
O: 911, what is your emergency
DM: I WANT YOUR OFFICERS OUT HERE NOW TO MAKE A THEFT REPORT! I WANT THEM TO TAKE FINGERPRINTS, PICTURES, AND I WANT THEM TO SMELL MY DRAIN!!!(Yes, he really did say that!)
O: Sir, we are NOT going to send officers out there to smell your drain. You've already spoken to the supervisor and he gave you the phone number to speak to a sergeant about this. There is nothing more we can do for you today.
DM: THIS IS NOT RUSSIA OR CHINA, YOU CAN'T JUST STEAL A MAN'S JIM BEAM BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE IT!!
O: Sir...
DM: YOU SEND OFFICERS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!! THEY NEED TO SMELL MY DRAIN AND MAKE A REPORT!
O: (very very exceedingly patient) I'm sorry sir, we can't send officers out to make a theft report.
DM: I WANT TO SPEAK TO A SUPERVISOR!!
O: You already did.
After going back and forth, the operator put the man on hold and spoke to the supervisor again. The supervisor refused to talk to DM.
O: I spoke the supervisor again and you will have to follow up with the sergeant like he told you to do.
DM. Fine. I'll just slit my wrists.
At this point we assume that everybody's got kitchen knives, and this guy is so drunk and potentially volatile that we can't blow off his threats.
O: Do you have any weapons in the house? DM: No, the cops took them all! Even my kitchen knives!
O: So how are you going to slit your wrists?
DM: With a butter knife! You better get out here right now, cuz I'm going to do it! And bring my bottle of Jim Beam! While they're here, they can smell my sink!!!!

And then thankfully, it was 7am and time to go home :)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Happy anniversary to me!!

I'm going to try to get better about this whole blogging thing. I've got interesting things to say, I'm just too lazy to say them! At least, too lazy to type them out. And then I start thinking, nobody wants to read what I have to say. But you know, I'm not writing this stuff out for them, I'm doing it for me. Good enuff.

So, yesterday was the 2nd anniversay of the day my world fell apart. I got home from picking the kids up from school, and shortly after there was a knock on my door. It was the FBI. Can you imagine how un-nerving it is to have the FBI knock on your door? And then show you a picture and say "Is this your daughter?" Well, long story short, they came to tell me that my husband had been molesting my daughter. I argued with them for 30 minutes at least, they had to be wrong - he was a great guy! Had a great job, decent house, nice family, he went to church every Sunday... they had to be wrong. They weren't. He was eventually sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Now looking back, I really don't look at it as the day my world fell apart. I look at it as the day we were rescued. My daughter was rescued from her abuse (Lord, why didn't she tell me?) and I was rescued from a relationship that was just comfortable enough to be able to live with the things that I knew were not good, but didn't know how to face. He and I have spent the better part of 6 months debating whether or not he would have been able to get help in the absence of something big and horrible happening. I don't think that's the point. I think the point is that I wouldn't have been able to get help without something big and horrible happening - I didn't love myself or believe in myself enough to recognize how messed up things were, even without the abuse of my daughter that was happening.

I've changed so much since March 1st 2004. I finally understand my own value and my value to God. I see what caused me to make the decisions I have, and now I know how to avoid them. After 20 years of having a subconscious need for someone else to take care of me, I finally know that what I really need is to depend on God, and He'll provide everything I need to take care of myself.

2 years later, life is good. It's not necessarily easy, but it's good.