Thursday, March 02, 2006

Happy anniversary to me!!

I'm going to try to get better about this whole blogging thing. I've got interesting things to say, I'm just too lazy to say them! At least, too lazy to type them out. And then I start thinking, nobody wants to read what I have to say. But you know, I'm not writing this stuff out for them, I'm doing it for me. Good enuff.

So, yesterday was the 2nd anniversay of the day my world fell apart. I got home from picking the kids up from school, and shortly after there was a knock on my door. It was the FBI. Can you imagine how un-nerving it is to have the FBI knock on your door? And then show you a picture and say "Is this your daughter?" Well, long story short, they came to tell me that my husband had been molesting my daughter. I argued with them for 30 minutes at least, they had to be wrong - he was a great guy! Had a great job, decent house, nice family, he went to church every Sunday... they had to be wrong. They weren't. He was eventually sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Now looking back, I really don't look at it as the day my world fell apart. I look at it as the day we were rescued. My daughter was rescued from her abuse (Lord, why didn't she tell me?) and I was rescued from a relationship that was just comfortable enough to be able to live with the things that I knew were not good, but didn't know how to face. He and I have spent the better part of 6 months debating whether or not he would have been able to get help in the absence of something big and horrible happening. I don't think that's the point. I think the point is that I wouldn't have been able to get help without something big and horrible happening - I didn't love myself or believe in myself enough to recognize how messed up things were, even without the abuse of my daughter that was happening.

I've changed so much since March 1st 2004. I finally understand my own value and my value to God. I see what caused me to make the decisions I have, and now I know how to avoid them. After 20 years of having a subconscious need for someone else to take care of me, I finally know that what I really need is to depend on God, and He'll provide everything I need to take care of myself.

2 years later, life is good. It's not necessarily easy, but it's good.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Amen Connie. Amen!