Sunday, March 05, 2006

Some people...

I mentioned my job as a 911 operator. It is at times stressful, but frequently rewarding, and we do get comic relief occasionally...

Early this morning a man called and asked to speak to a crisis counselor, he was very drunk and thinking of committing suicide. He has been known to own several guns and knives, so of course when the crisis counselor wanted the police to respond, they did.
A few hours later, the man called back. I am not the one who took the call, so the synopsis of the conversation does not contain for sure direct quotes, but you can get the general idea.

Operator: 911, what is your emergency
Drunk man: Yeah, YOUR OFFICERS were just at my house and they poured my Jim Beam down the drain!! I want them to replace the bottle they stole from me!
O: I'm sorry sir, the police department is not going to replace your liquor.
DM: I want to talk to a sergeant! I want to talk to a supervisor!
O: (Tries to patiently explain that we will not send officers out to replace his booze. DM insists on speaking to a supervisor.

So, the operator gets the supervisor, who tells her to tell him we're not going to go buy him more booze, and she tells him that she DID tell him that, but he's insisting on speaking to a supervisor. The supervisor takes the call.
About 5 minutes later, same operator...
O: 911, what is your emergency
DM: I WANT YOUR OFFICERS OUT HERE NOW TO MAKE A THEFT REPORT! I WANT THEM TO TAKE FINGERPRINTS, PICTURES, AND I WANT THEM TO SMELL MY DRAIN!!!(Yes, he really did say that!)
O: Sir, we are NOT going to send officers out there to smell your drain. You've already spoken to the supervisor and he gave you the phone number to speak to a sergeant about this. There is nothing more we can do for you today.
DM: THIS IS NOT RUSSIA OR CHINA, YOU CAN'T JUST STEAL A MAN'S JIM BEAM BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE IT!!
O: Sir...
DM: YOU SEND OFFICERS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!! THEY NEED TO SMELL MY DRAIN AND MAKE A REPORT!
O: (very very exceedingly patient) I'm sorry sir, we can't send officers out to make a theft report.
DM: I WANT TO SPEAK TO A SUPERVISOR!!
O: You already did.
After going back and forth, the operator put the man on hold and spoke to the supervisor again. The supervisor refused to talk to DM.
O: I spoke the supervisor again and you will have to follow up with the sergeant like he told you to do.
DM. Fine. I'll just slit my wrists.
At this point we assume that everybody's got kitchen knives, and this guy is so drunk and potentially volatile that we can't blow off his threats.
O: Do you have any weapons in the house? DM: No, the cops took them all! Even my kitchen knives!
O: So how are you going to slit your wrists?
DM: With a butter knife! You better get out here right now, cuz I'm going to do it! And bring my bottle of Jim Beam! While they're here, they can smell my sink!!!!

And then thankfully, it was 7am and time to go home :)

No comments: