Friday, January 05, 2007

3 AM

So I'm usually awake at this time, because I'm usually at work. But it's my night off. I wish I was sleeping. The fact that I'm not might be because I took a 4 hour nap while the kids were at school. and then I fell asleep again at about 8pm and slept till 1. That might have something to do with it. Or it could be this raging sore throat and horrible headache. Or it could be all these random thoughts that swirl through my mind as I try to sleep.

Work is better, for those who mentioned it in comments :) Not every night is New Years Eve, praise God, so it's not always like that (although Friday and Saturday nights in the summer can feel like it!) The morning after New Years day I took a call that reminded me why I love my job, because I actually can help people doing what I do. I know that for right now, it's where God wants me to be.

I'm giving a lot of thought though to what happens when it's not where God wants me to be anymore. I'm fairly sure this is not all He has for me. We didn't go through all we went through for nothing, I know God can use our experiences to help other people. Soon after my ex-husband was arrested, I did what any internet addict normal modern person would do - I went to the internet in search of resources on how to help my daughter through what she'd been through. I found a total lack of anything helpful. Oh, I did find some websites with discussion boards, but most of the people that were posting seemed to be happy to keep up the victim lifestyle. I don't want that for myself or for my daughter. I want the healing found in Jesus, and I know reaching out to others can be helpful in that. So somehow, some way, I know there's a ministry for me in this. I'm praying for a clearer vision, but I feel that this is part of what God wants from me.

Ok, and the other thought swirling around this brain of mine is - I'd really like some chocolate...

7 comments:

Rebekah said...

I understand your feeling. I look at my trials and wonder who God will let me help. God does turn all things to His good. But remember, just living your day to day life after what you have been thru is a testiment in itself

Jessica said...

God works in mysterious ways. God has helped me through tough times and I've in return helped people who went through the same thing I did as a child. It's amazing how we can help others sometimes.

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

I look forward to following your journey.. I'm sure you'll touch many in wonderful ways along the way!

lori said...

I am so sorry to hear that you could sleep for starter and your bad soar throat and headache to end.

I'll be praying for you!

Looking forward to reading about your journey.

HotRodHanna said...

I'll be sure to pray for you, and I can relate to the crazy sleep schedule!

Janean said...

HeeHee! Chocolate, yes! MG got me a 5 lb box for Christmas. I hid it in my room...within reach of my bed. I think they found it though. THings have been disappearing...
Sorry you are feeling cruddy! Yer in my prayers.
**I made a cake like that one once. Just for kicks to surprise my kids. Two of them would eat it and two of them wouldn't. :D

Erna said...

I think it's great that you desire to allow God to use what you've gone through to help others. I think that is so important.

I had to chuckle at the closing . . . "I'd really like some chocolate . . ." Me too!