Saturday, July 07, 2007

A day to celebrate

Yesterday, July 6th, I signed the final paperwork and closed on the refinancing of my house. This is important because prior to refinancing, my name was on the title of the house jointly with my ex-husband, but it was not on the mortgage. I had been paying the mortgage for the past 3 years, but the loan was not in my name. It was one of the things that prompted me to file for divorce when I did, because he just wasn't being as cooperative as I'd hoped, so his cooperation became court ordered. Even after the divorce was final though, I still procrastinated in trying to refinance. I was intimidated by the whole thing frankly. And I wasn't sure it would go over so well because I filed bankruptcy shortly after my ex's arrest. I've been on time with everything since then, but it's a huge black eye. (As much as I hated to do it, I didn't see any other choice then, and looking back, I don't see that there was an alternative. I believe when Christians file bankruptcy it dishonors God, but it wasn't because I was irresponsible with my money or wanted to shaft my creditors that it happened. It was because I lost the breadwinner of the family and was left alone to pay for bills that added up to around $3000 a month on the income of a part time teacher's aide at a preschool - roughly about $400 a month if I recall correctly.)

But it's all done, the paperwork is all signed, and the house is mine. This is so important in so many ways. It's the last tie besides to my ex-husband besides our son (the man will be in prison until the child is 32 years old, so it's kind of a moot point.) There are no more joint accounts, no more legal matters, and no more business that needs to be taken care of. I am legally free of him.

The other thing is, it means I've made it. One of my biggest stumbling blocks in life has been that I have believed that I've needed someone to take care of me, I wasn't strong enough to do it on my own. It was why I got married the first time, and it was why I got married the second time. The second time I thought was so much better because he was a Christian and I honestly did love him. So it was SCARY when he was arrested to know I had to do it myself, that this time, I wouldn't be able to even think of letting someone rescue us because of what my daughter had just been through. I wouldn't be able to trust anybody enough to even consider letting them near my children. It was almost an audible voice, God told me that He would take care of us, I just had to trust Him and be obedient. For the first time in my life, I put my entire trust in God, and now I can't figure out why I had such a hard time doing that before. But with God's help, I did it. On my credit. With my income. I was able to get a loan and refinance my house. I am providing for my kids and myself. I don't need someone to rescue me. Because of God's faithfulness.

I know I am not fully healed from our ordeal (I still don't see how I could ever trust another human male again, but now is not the time to worry about that...) but where I am now still feels really really good. I am happy, my kids are happy, and God is so faithful. I've learned so much and grown so much through it all, such as obedience to Christ is a beautiful thing. Healing may not be complete, but it's far enough along that we're not victims, we're not survivors... we're conquerers :)


aka_Meritt said...

I'll sing for you... "Look's like you've made it...."


It was supposed to be looks like 'we've' made it but since you did this on your own I thought I'd give you the honor and not 'us'. :)

HotRodHanna said...

Congradulations! Sounds like you have come a long way. Reading your post made me think of this song we sing at church -

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father; there is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not; as Thou has been Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness. Great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have need of Thy hand has provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

Grafted Branch @ Restoring the Years said...

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!


Erna said...

That is so awesome! I'm happy for you!

Susie said...

That is so wonderful! You are an inspiration to so many women. I don't know that many could overcome such obstacles, but you did! Giving God the glory in all you accomplished will let others see it is possible to do anything with His help. Way to go!